I just finished my first night of Cru Large Group. I kept thinking and praying “100 people God, you can do it!” And yes, 100 people would have been great, BUT, I sit afterward thinking about why I love Cru so much, and it is the relational aspect of it. Not just growing relationally with Christ, but relationally with everyone in the group. So, God called 20 students to come along with an amazing worship band and two wonderful speakers. Sure, 100 people would have been awesome and a light of His doing, but I think tonight showed His Will, His Desire, His Plan. Once again, I put my plan into his palm and said “I think you can handle this” instead of just praying, “Thy will be done Lord.” Cause in the end, it will be His Will. What was beautiful about tonight were a couple of things.
1.With so few people, we got to start making relationships with those people. 100 people would have been too much and we would have cliques forming.
2.I sang in the crowd. And once again, I wanted everyone to hear me sing, not the gift gave me, or to even try and sing to God. But, God being one to dose out humility a plenty, He knew the set list would humble me. I knew many of the songs, but certain parts really hit home for me and brought me to my knees in front of the Lord. I struggle so much with trying to show people how good I can be instead of trying to point to God in my life. He is helping me with this walk slowly, and this night He humbled me.
3.I got really excited this semester. I have been happy to see people, okay about classes, but tonight I got excited. I saw God’s hand in what He wants me to focus on this semester. I have WANTED to be busy with Cru, I have not had this feeling of the Spirit truly awakening me and giving me a passion. I saw all the students and thought “Please come back, I want you to know God more and for us to grow together!” I have never had that thought before.
As I got back to my apartment, I picked up Blue Like Jazz. I am just starting to read it and I am beyond excited. But I read something that really humbled me. Donald Miller is telling a testimony about a student he met at Reed College, and the student says “They (other Christians) felt like they had to sell God, as if He were soap or a vacuum cleaner, and it’s like they really weren’t listening to me; they didn’t’ care, they just wanted me to buy the product .” Eeek, that is hard to rebuttal, because, I tried to sell Cru tonight to those students. That is not right. God guided them there; He will work their hearts if He desires them to come back. He showed His awesomeness by bringing a student into the building, she just wanted air. She then felt like she should come to Cru instead of going to another meeting. I asked her afterward if she enjoyed it. Her reply was “I know I was supposed to come here tonight, there is no doubt in my mind.” That is God! He can do that! I couldn’t. I can convince and try and “sell” the idea, but I am just supposed to plant the seed and let God guide her. Reading that exert reminded me that I can’t sell Cru or God for that matter, it just never feels right, I will never leave feeling confident on the situation, I need to listen, encourage, and then allow God space to work in hearts, cause there is no way I can do that job!
All in all, tonight was a beautiful. God’s Will was just right, cause if He started with 100 people, we would want more and more and more (which I totally think He will provide) but, His plan is better, 20 was the perfect amount tonight. J