Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust

Well, I feel officially like a college student, I pulled an all-nighter. I seriously never thought that I would do it. I am a girl who loves her sleep, I do not function well without sleep. I had a poster presentation due (I of course procrastinated) and I came to my apartment at around 1:30 in the morning determined to go to sleep for a few hours. I get into and bed and I am turn and I keep thinking "I am not going to sleep tonight" but I argue with myself with the logic that I need sleep to function. I then thought my heart must be unsettled so I start talking things out with God, but I am getting more nervous and fidgety, like I need to work on this project. In desperation I say, "Okay God, if I am to stay up, let me have faith that I will have peace and rest through all of the things I must do."

You know, God is really good about answering prayer, even when we don't think we are saying one. I got up, worked on that poster until right before class, presented, went back to my apartment to finish a paper, and I did not feel tired until I went to my final class of the day. I only had one cup of espresso at 11 last night, which did not keep me awake for that long, I assure you. I realized after class that God had answered the prayer of a selfish, procrastinating, perfectionist child that does not deserve such a loving father as to give her the strength and alertness she needed to get through the day. God, 1 point, Elise, still the fool.

I have been having stomach problems for a year and half and I have become a regular at my Heath Center, being testing every way possible to figure out what is going on. Sadly I have been really frustrated about it, just really wanting some answers. Today I have realized, this is a thorn in my side that I cannot take out, only God can. He will provide the answers when it fits with His plan. I think back on when I stress fractured my foot last fall semester, and not knowing what was wrong for months, it was almost easier to go to God because that pain was constant, nothing I could do would really help it. With my stomach, I feel like it shouldn't be so hard, let's eliminate a food, let this blood work come back with a positive so we know what is going on. If I really think about it, I have been asking God to say "Yes Elise, you have diabetes, yes Elise, you have a thyroid problem, yes Elise, you have h pylori bacteria in your stomach"

Humility is something I ask God for lots and lots, and when He humbles me, I seem to think I did not deserve to be humble this time! When I ask for God for a sign that He is there, He did through an all-nighter. Now I need to in turn have faith that everything will turn out okay, that I will figure out this stomach problem in time, and if not, this is not as bad a thorn in my side. Faith is a constant struggle for me, so this Christmas season my goal is to find faith and look to God for my needs instead of myself.

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