I can't sleep. Maybe it is because of the 4 hour nap this afternoon or the coffee I had at 10:30 at night, but I cannot sleep. I think it has to do with my spirit more than some caffeine kick.
While trying to fall sleep I started to think about facebook. No, not about my next awesome status or what walls to post on, but how much I can dislike facebook.
Hear me out, I love me some facebook stalking and being able to learn things about people I may not always keep in touch with, but I really dislike this "social" media. Because I think it only touches the surface of everyone's life. Yes, I can post statuses about what I am doing, post photos about what is going on in my life, but the way things shall be read is entirely up to the facebook world. I have really disliked people friending me from my Summer Project purely because I think people will get a bad image of who I am on facebook because it is easy for people to read into things without knowing my voice and my personality. I also can easily judge people from the little posts they make on facebook. I added people though because I did not want to not friend them and then explain why I did not wish to, but none the less I have been really conscious of reading into others facebooks and also being conscious of what I am posting. I do not try and post horrible things or anything like that, but it is hard to know one's voice behind a facebook post until one actually meets face to face and gets to know the person. Facebook only touches the surface. I can like certain statuses and comment on things in facebook because I know that person beyond their wall and I have a personal relationship with them and know why they post things and what their voice is behind their status.
In society it is really easy to just get to know someone on the surface. Social media, division of work and life, everything is essentially compartmentalized into subsections and interactions can easily be one dimensional. People prefer knowing the surface because it is not painful, it is not draining, it is not vulnerable. It is like a book, one can look at the cover and deduce so much from the cover and the title, the literal surface of a book. But once one starts reading, it is hard to stay unattached (I am talking about a really good book, not fluff work). We become involved and enticed into the story, a part of us becomes involved in the story plot. Once we know the book, it is hard not to have a strong emotional tie to that book, whether we love it or despise it, the book has a place in our heart. But not before we opened the book, it was only once we became involved with the book.
I can be very judgmental and I know it. I call it being critical but really at the core it is me judging. When it comes to movies, books, people, situations, I can be harsh. I am usually really quick to judge things I only know on the surface. I take my personal biases and I can apply them to the subject and come up with a quick decision about the situation/subject. Usually I am less judgmental if I know the subject deeply, I look at all sides of a situation and can deduce my biases and understand why I have a certain emotional reaction to the subject. Not so if I only know the surface.
Sunday Garner (my pastor at Legacy Bible) talked on the passage in Mark 2:1-12 where the paralytic is lowered in front of Jesus. Garner pointed out how Jesus first said "Your sins are forgiven" not "You are physically healed my brother!" Jesus looked beyond the surface of the physical problem and immediately saw the heart and desired for the heart to be healed. How beautiful! God is continually looking at my heart and desiring that my heart be changed. I have struggled with my weight for a while now and very recently I have been consumed with thoughts about how I can change my body and imagining how happy I shall be when I finally can be a full human being. (My thoughts being that my weight is holding me back from fully being human and participating in life. Really just an excuse for me to not live life to the fullest.) Sunday I was so convicted that God is not worried about my physical surface self, but that my heart is completely his and no other idols. Jesus saw the true problem when he saw the paralytic, not just the surface problem, for the heart is so much more important than being physically unable to walk. While being physically healed and fit is fine, God sees that these things cannot and will not make us truly happy. A beautiful heart will allow for us to find joy in every situation, not just when the self is satisfied.
I am going to try and be conscious of not judging others because each of us has more below the surface, problems, emotions, histories that cannot be seen on the surface. This also compels me to get to know people more deeply because I am very use to asking surface level questions and keeping the relationship on the surface level where no one can get hurt, but also no one can really open up and deepen the relationship. I truly want to know others' heart and also for people to know mine, because then I shall be loving others and living life to the fullest as God has called me to do. I have been consumed with being surface level perfect when God is reminding me that 1. I shall never be surface level perfect because I am imperfect as a human and 2. The only way I shall really be happy is by allowing God to work on my heart and develop me into a deeper human being with more depth and love for others, He can't do that on the surface of me, but through my heart I can allow God to transform my surface into His image, but only by Him invading my heart.
The surface is not really that great, why not dive in and see what all is beneath the surface? I know my surface isn't so great but I hope I am a more interesting once one gets below the surface, and I know others have beautiful depths and life stories that go beyond the surface. Jesus saw this in the paralytic, and He sees it in all of us.