I realized that I am living in this little bubble (community is a better word) and I don’t want to leave. I am so fearful that when I go back into my everyday life that everything I have learned will be a distant memory and my sinning egotistical self will re-emerge. It feels so weird to even talk with people outside of project because I cannot describe this awesome vulnerable community that has challenged me, uplifted me, humbled me in so many ways that I never imagined! I have been so busy living out the Great Commission I have not watched but 2 movies/TV shows by myself (and those were on a Sunday when everyone else was napping!) and I have had little internet access so I have not been on IMDB, Facebook, Pintrest, and Pottermore! And since I am not distracted by any of those things I have truly seen God, I have seen my sin and I am talking with him more than ever!
In Finding Nemo the cute little clown fish is only use to himself and his dad. He lives in an anemone and knows nothing beyond that. When he goes out “into the world” (aka Sydney Australia) he is first scared, but that is when he starts to find himself and see others as unique and special and appreciates all the more how much he loves his dad and his home.
I can take that whole premises and apply is in different ways. I want to go out into the world like Nemo and see the world as different and the people in it unique and special. I also feel like I want to rush back into this community and I hope to appreciate and treasure it (not just feel depressed and hopeless) for the home it is. God I think made us for the community I am experiencing here and I have been out into the world and realize how beautiful this home really is. Also I think God has put us on this earth in our broken state so that we can realize how much we desire an eternal home and community with him. I want God to send me out again being uncomfortable and not just sinking back into my sinless hole, but to find the community where I am, wherever in life that may be, and cling to Him. I am Nemo and I am realizing how much I need my Father to encourage and challenge who I am, not just on Summer Projects. I want to bring this everywhere.
Maybe my story is that this Cru community is my home and God is going to send me out into the world now in college and have me realize how much I am needed to be in Cru so that His Will on this Earth can be done.
Being on Summer Project and also seeing the new staff being trained to go out just makes me want to stay in this home forever and ever! I need to pray to God that instead of just being uncomfortable to also be prepared as I go out from this place and use the tools that God has given me to use in the outside world. I want to see people as unique and all with a beautiful story and to build community with the people I am interacting with like on Summer Project.
Right now I just need to keep swimming, forever trying to find my Father in every moment and finding home in the little moments until I finally reach the ultimate home in heaven.