I am starting to think about when I leave this Garden of Eden. I am so frightened and scared because I can already see parts of this time with God starting to end and temptations running full force to take over me. I am not beseeching the Lord as much and I am trying to find comfort in things like food again.
The Accuser is louder than ever and trying to pull me down into my old self. Why can I not run this race for longer than a few weeks? Why do I turn my face from His Beauty and Glory and stumble at the petty little things upon the road?
I know it is of my flesh but since I have experienced this beautiful glimpse of what heaven is like I don’t wish to return to the broken world.
And this is a horrible mindset to have. Because if I am only living for Eden that is not what God has called me on this earth to do. I am not supposed to mope around and wait til this flesh is dead. I am supposed to keep running, to not give up.
What am I living for? I need to live to glorify God, not to wait for moments like summer projects for God to come to me, I need to earnestly seek Him in every situation, that is when I experience Eden. It should be in the little things that God is doing, not just the explosive moments. It is all about my perspective, because if I am looking at those little blessings and journeys, they too can be explosive.
I am already in the struggle about bringing this back to school, specifically sharing the gospel to people on my campus. I think my life up to this point has been small, because I haven’t been brave enough to actually step out of my comfort zone and starting new adventures.
My heart has been heavy today, truly the Accuser has been beating my down today making me doubt myself and that life outside this project is going to be as fulfilling. I would love prayers of encouragement and that I realize the Devil has no power unless I give it to him. I can overcome things with Christ, but in these moments of doubt is when I feel farthest away from Him.