I have had a really hard time coming back to Tulsa.
It finally hit me that I was not on vacation from Orlando Summer Project, that was my vacation from college. God needs to use me on this campus and He has not called me to another foreign land because I am needed in this land one more year.
I suddenly realized I was in this land when I drove by my university to move into my house, I almost cried while driving because I was so desperate to run back and be in the safe arms of project friends. I also had a really hard time when I arrived at church on Sunday because I kept thinking about Grace in Orlando. The Lord did a great work in my heart by showing me why I fell in love with First Presbyterian in the first place. The worship and the sermon were so convicting and humbling.
I keep needing to remind myself that God is the one to call me into different lands. There should be no permanent place to rest my head on this earth, but that means God cares enough to not make my life mundane and boring! Sure there will be ups and downs, but those are more exciting than doing the same thing over and over again. Yes, it is comforting and comfortable, but I also think of those comfortable times and I always regret the things I was not able to do. Looking back on ups and downs reminds me of what I have come from, what I need to battle with, and that God is real.
Summer project was full of ups and downs, so looking ahead I thought "Great, comfort and bland life here I come!" I didn't desire TU, I didn't desire my classes or my classmates at all.
But God made every moment today beautiful. I saw old friends in every class and saw a few new faces (hard part of being a senior, not seeing so many freshman!) I got to school a little too early so I decided to start reading the bible on my phone in 90 days! I have plenty of slow moments, so why not fill those with God's word? It might not work, but I am determined today! When I thought I wouldn't have a lunch buddy, a friend who studied abroad last semester also brought her lunch so we sat and talked for a few hours! Then had coffee with two girls randomly, and also had a dinner buddy that popped up out of nowhere! I have a night class and not quite enough time to run home to get dinner, so God put Daisha in my path and we went and talked about the coming semester. I realized that people think Sherlock Holmes was a real person (seriously, watched a documentary about how people hypothesize what his childhood was like, what?!) spoilers, he is fictional!
God answers prayers I don't even lift up but I need. I needed to see God's desire on this campus and I want to do what He desires me to do on the campus. I don't want to sit on the sidelines this next year and regret not having ups and downs and settling for comfortable. I want to be challenged and proclaim the news of God above all else!
Today in senior seminar I had what I am calling a "Steve Douglas" moment. We went around class saying what we want to do after graduation. Everyone voiced grad school of some sort and I said "probably join staff with Campus Crusade for Christ" I didn't use the name Cru because I wanted my professors to know my intent and the others around me. I want to be part of Christ's plan, not my own.
Senior Year, here I come!