God is so good. During this season of finding ministry partners is the most difficult and also most beautiful season in my life. I think because there are huge walls I am stumbling into, I am also so much more humbled and clinging to His Truth all the more! The song that I keep listening to is "Strangely Dim" by Francesca Battistelli.
It is such a powerful song, "When I fix my eyes on all that you are, then every doubt I feel, deep in my heart grows strangely dim. All my worries fade, and fall to the ground, cause when I seek your face, and don't look around, any place I'm in, grows strangely dim."
Wow, when I am struggling in life, I usually just look inward, see the sin, and try to run away from myself. But when I cling to God, He purifies my soul and puts a balm over the wounds. Finding ministry partners is absolutely thrilling. I love every appointment simply because I get to learn new things about every person. They tell me stories, ask me deep questions and while I never know what to expect, I know God is in every situation and is guiding my footsteps in the conversation.
During this season I find myself trying to plan every little detail, from what I should do this week, to what I should do after my internship! I am making piles of plans and not just focusing on God. I have started a devotional called Jesus Calling and it has been the best devotional for this season. Continually it reminds me to cling to God, to just keep my eyes on Him, because I will never know my future plans, unexpected trials will come, but God is here. He is always here. If I fix my eyes on Him, I will be at peace, because I don't need to plan my future, I need to cling to Jesus. If I desire joy, I have to grow closer to the provider of such joy, which is God. He gives me a spirit that yearns for the Living Water.
I remind myself this because I do not always find joy in my quiet time, or rather the thought of my quiet time. I put it to the side, forget to do it for a week, but when I go back to the Word, I am so excited and humbled. I can always learn something.
Another line from the song "I don't know, I don't know what tomorrow may hold. But I know, but I know, that you're holding it all. So no matter what may come, I'm gonna fix my eyes on all that you are." I can't predict when God will provide all of my ministry partners, but I can enjoy every conversation, talk and Jesus to some amazing men and women, and just delight in the year ahead. All the while diving deeper into His Word. My plan for today? To just fall in love of Jesus more.