Saturday, September 28, 2013

The Voices in My Head (My internal conversations with God as of late)

Do you believe the Gospel?

Do you believe that God loves us so much he wants a personal relationship with you. Do you believe that you mess up and make mistakes even when you try to "do better"? Do you believe that Jesus came to the earth to die for your mistakes so the gates of God's love can open up and flood you with grace and love? Do you believe you must decide to turn from your mistakes and trust that God will provide everything? 

I personally have been asking myself these questions again and again. Do I believe the Gospel is real? Do I believe that if I take a step of faith God will be there? I answer yes!!! A thousand times yes! My heart continually yearns to believe God and give all my burdens to him.

But thinking/feeling and doing are very different things.

If someone asks me to share the gospel with anyone, I freeze up. I choke. I can't do it.

Why?

What if the person is insulted? What if they are angry and don't want to listen? What if they reject me? I don't think I can handle people thinking "that way" about me.

Do you believe the gospel?

Yes Lord I believe, but there are so many things in the way!

Then do you really believe the Gospel?

What?

If you believe the Gospel Elise, then you believe I am supreme. I am GOD! I orchestrate life itself, I can bring people to me without you, but I invite you into this beautiful process. I call my children to take the step of faith to share how I have impacted their lives. Have I impacted your life Elise?

Well yeah, you are everything to me. Without knowing you, I would be spiraling in darkness and feeling hopeless, worthless, unloved and hated. I am capable of such evil and only by knowing you can I understand light, my darkness is the absence of light, of you.You saved me and have changed my life in such beautiful ways. I no longer feel angry, I don't feel isolated. Because of you, I love people, I love getting to know people, to hear their stories. I don't try to prove myself to everyone, I can allow myself to make mistakes. Only by understanding You have I been able to forgive myself for mistakes.

Why would you hide this truth Elise? Why live for yourself when you have given your life to me? It is tiring you, this tug of war, let my Spirit thrive in you. By trying to hide this gift and truth you are lost, you are just stagnant. Trust me, you trusted me with your filth, trust me with your blessings.

If I truly believe the Gospel, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Would I honestly have wanted people to just be nice to me, knowing I was hurt and messed up, and just watch me wander around feeling hopeless and never tell me "Hey, I know of a God who can take that hurt away."

NO!

If someone hadn't pointed me to Jesus and said "This man died for you, and he loves you, he knows your mistakes and still loves you;" I never would have found that on my own. Because I would be wallowing in my own misery! I am pretty good at over-analyzing myself, I can pity myself better than anyone else can. I needed someone to come up beside me  and share with me how God impacted their life, and that I too could open up my life to God.


So Elise, I ask if you believe the Gospel, make it the center of your life. You can't walk this life alone, you can't hide this light, this joy in your heart. I created you to be in community, and to share this light. I bring people into your life in order for you to share this light with them just as someone shared the light and Truth with you. I ask one thing of my beloved children, that is to go make disciples of all nations.

That means talking to people, so see them as I see them, lost children. I need you to step out in faith and get to know them. To share the Gospel with them in actions, words, life. Don't hide me, because that only hurts you in the end. Don't look back on life with regret, because not sharing the Gospel with people only ends in heartbreak for both of you. I bring joy, so share my joy.

If you believe the Gospel, go make disciples, go plant seeds. Go and trust me, because I love you too dearly to let you fall. The Gospel is bigger than you, you are a part of a beautiful story if you let me guide it. Sorry, you aren't the center of the story child, I am. So you can step into the story and go on an adventure, or I can find someone else. But I want you in the story, so just trust me to be the author of your life. I love you, and I want you to share that love with others, because they need it just as much as you do.

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