I am coming to the realization of how selfish I am as a human. I blame this on my sinless state and my utter focus on myself.
This morning in church Dr. Swanson talked about Micah 6:8 specifically focusing on walking humbly with God. 1 Thessalonians 4:9-12 was the complimentary text with it.
Dr. Swanson first pointed out the Old Testament meaning for humble: to create space on the path for others. He asked "Are you walking with God?"
Honestly I don't even think I am walking with God, I am sitting on the curb watching God pass by before me most days. I struggle with a quiet time not because of disbelief, but because I am tired, I don't have time, this life is mine and I can't sit down to talk with God. I am sitting on the curb moaning that my feet hurt and God is just patiently waiting there for me to get up and start this beautiful journey with him again.
I am stuck in this idea of walking on my own, strutting my stuff for all to see and yet I am a terrified child inside, feeling inadequate, unknown, alone. But that is because I have put walls up in my life. I let you know my story bur I don't allow you to walk in this story with me.
Humble: to create space on the path for others. I suck at that. I want people to see me on the path and admire me, but to walk with me is too scary, too vulnerable. I struggle with God seeing my mess.
But I am a really messy person, I have my fill of problems! And that is okay. To be able to create space I need to start letting things into the light, to open my clenched fists and show God the mess, and to then embrace the love, mercy, and grace he gives me. Only then can I create more space for others to come in and walk this life with me.
On the Curb
Sitting on the curb waiting for life
Waiting for time to hurry up with my expectations
I feel glued to the curb
Tired of moving in slow motion
The man beside me is ready
Ready for adventure
Ready for life
He has energy
But he waits
And I realize
I need the man beside me
I can only walk forward with him
He is my energy
The scenery around me won't change
Unless I start moving forward
Is it worth it?
Do I want to wait?